Traumatic Violations and the Prevention of Healing by the Lizard Brain

Lizard Brain doing its job.

Today I'm going to look at violations related to sex or gender as the vehicle for doing The Work. I am also going to associate that with physical and psychological violations, period; Primarily, how and why survivors of trauma have so much tied up with these deeply ingrained patterns and issues of violation.

Whether it's rape, molestation, shame producing sex (forced prostitution, sex slavery, or hoping he or they would like you...), or other versions of sexual harm; Whether it's sexually motivated violations or violations based on your gender, if you have feelings of shame, violation, self-hate, victimization, anger or any version of suffering wrapped up with that; Even if you were the only one sexually violating or exploiting your own body, the purpose of this post is to begin a Mind Shift toward the willingness of releasing yourself from suffering.

When I first began reading Loving What Is, before I knew Byron Katie as more than just an author, I threw it across the room. My Lizard Brain, that had taken over in hypervigilance in keeping me safe, was now in charge.

If You Want Sympathy, It Always Hurts

In this post I am going to look at this statement accentuating my remembrance as someone who's experienced what PTSD feels like, what trauma feels like, and what my relationships with unhealthy people looked like.

This quote stirred some controversy when it appeared on Byron Katie's facebook page last year and I began to start to write about it.

This post will be about looking at her statement / quote / status: Anytime you find yourself wanting sympathy, you’re trying to get someone to join you in your mythology. And it always hurts.

I look at some of these quotes or statements through a lens of my remembrance; When my Mind wasn't exactly friendly toward me and I needed help; When seeking this help through The Work required a bridge of compassion that I did not have from myself or - what I perceived - from others.

So if I can help offer a bridge for others in the same position, this is my message today.

Trauma Victims and The Work

I have been wanting to talk about this for a while but was only recently made re-aware when I wrote the article, "Engaging in Risky Sexual Behavior" at my website only to later address the ego and its functions here in "Attaching to Thoughts."

Both were in the context of a Byron Katie video that had a mother holding stressful thoughts about her daughter and her sexual behaviors. In the context of that video, mom makes the statement, "I had to live through her getting raped." And right on cue I went right to compassion for the daughter that superseded my already strong compassion for her life in the face of her mom's judgment on her sex life. I tended to agree with Katie in that her 'sexual behavior' could have been 'therapy.'

Abusive Partner is your Guru?

"There’s never a mistake in the universe. So if your partner is angry, good. If there are things about him that you consider flaws, good, because these flaws are your own, you’re projecting them, and you can write them down, inquire, and set yourself free. People go to India to find a guru, but you don’t have to: you’re living with one. Your partner will give you everything you need for your own freedom." ~Byron Katie

Friends who have not yet escaped abuse or who are still suffering the psychological ramifications of abuse or mistreatment have got to be railing at this latest one that caught my attention. In fact, even if one has escaped and has attained some degree of peace, even a slight memory might provoke that thing inside that I lovingly call, "The Red Hots."

Abuse is not honorable at all, so if your partner is or was abusive, did Katie's statement catch your attention? If so, keep reading...