"I Should Know Better!"

Phrases I've heard that are not based in any loving or nurturing embrace of reality  are "I should know better" or "I should have known better."

And if we're not 'punishing' ourselves in this form of verbal assault, we might hear it out loud as little kids: "You should know better," or "You know better than that!"

Why the latter may be worse: Were it not for others saying it to us or our otherwise learning it as a pseudo-valid form of contrition, would we really have ever adopted the belief in the first place? Rather than shaming ourselves into learning some sort of lesson - which is quite insane enough - others are trying to do it (to us STILL) as adults. And the language may vary but it still falls under shame.

In this context, "I should know better," or its twin, "I should have known better," are phrases said in the wake or aftermath of perhaps a series of unfortunate events or something that did not turn out as we'd hoped.

Trauma Victims and The Work

I have been wanting to talk about this for a while but was only recently made re-aware when I wrote the article, "Engaging in Risky Sexual Behavior" at my website only to later address the ego and its functions here in "Attaching to Thoughts."

Both were in the context of a Byron Katie video that had a mother holding stressful thoughts about her daughter and her sexual behaviors. In the context of that video, mom makes the statement, "I had to live through her getting raped." And right on cue I went right to compassion for the daughter that superseded my already strong compassion for her life in the face of her mom's judgment on her sex life. I tended to agree with Katie in that her 'sexual behavior' could have been 'therapy.'

Abusive Partner is your Guru?

"There’s never a mistake in the universe. So if your partner is angry, good. If there are things about him that you consider flaws, good, because these flaws are your own, you’re projecting them, and you can write them down, inquire, and set yourself free. People go to India to find a guru, but you don’t have to: you’re living with one. Your partner will give you everything you need for your own freedom." ~Byron Katie

Friends who have not yet escaped abuse or who are still suffering the psychological ramifications of abuse or mistreatment have got to be railing at this latest one that caught my attention. In fact, even if one has escaped and has attained some degree of peace, even a slight memory might provoke that thing inside that I lovingly call, "The Red Hots."

Abuse is not honorable at all, so if your partner is or was abusive, did Katie's statement catch your attention? If so, keep reading...