Traumatic Violations and the Prevention of Healing by the Lizard Brain

Lizard Brain doing its job.

Today I'm going to look at violations related to sex or gender as the vehicle for doing The Work. I am also going to associate that with physical and psychological violations, period; Primarily, how and why survivors of trauma have so much tied up with these deeply ingrained patterns and issues of violation.

Whether it's rape, molestation, shame producing sex (forced prostitution, sex slavery, or hoping he or they would like you...), or other versions of sexual harm; Whether it's sexually motivated violations or violations based on your gender, if you have feelings of shame, violation, self-hate, victimization, anger or any version of suffering wrapped up with that; Even if you were the only one sexually violating or exploiting your own body, the purpose of this post is to begin a Mind Shift toward the willingness of releasing yourself from suffering.

When I first began reading Loving What Is, before I knew Byron Katie as more than just an author, I threw it across the room. My Lizard Brain, that had taken over in hypervigilance in keeping me safe, was now in charge.

"I Should Know Better!"

Phrases I've heard that are not based in any loving or nurturing embrace of reality  are "I should know better" or "I should have known better."

And if we're not 'punishing' ourselves in this form of verbal assault, we might hear it out loud as little kids: "You should know better," or "You know better than that!"

Why the latter may be worse: Were it not for others saying it to us or our otherwise learning it as a pseudo-valid form of contrition, would we really have ever adopted the belief in the first place? Rather than shaming ourselves into learning some sort of lesson - which is quite insane enough - others are trying to do it (to us STILL) as adults. And the language may vary but it still falls under shame.

In this context, "I should know better," or its twin, "I should have known better," are phrases said in the wake or aftermath of perhaps a series of unfortunate events or something that did not turn out as we'd hoped.