The Reality of Pressure

My beloved and I were talking the other night about the phrase, "Forcing someone to make a choice." He asked me to pick up my cup, as an example. His theory is that I have to make a choice: pick up my cup, don't pick up my cup, knock down my cup, set my cup on fire, a million other things, or even make the choice of pretending i didn't hear his request or ignoring it. "Even that," he argued, "is a choice."

When he asked me to pick up my cup, I picked up my cup. In this, he argued, he had forced me to make a choice and I chose to pick up my cup. My assertion is that yes I heard him and yes I wanted to pick up my cup in order to take a drink from it, but that I was not forced into making a choice; I would have chosen to pick up my cup or not anyway. (We both enjoy logic.)

On a similar topic, a couple of weeks ago, I shared with a friend my belief in "Pressuring someone to to do something" or the "Reality of Pressure" using Byron Katie's ""What's the Reality of Pressure"" video. When I tell the story saying/thinking/believing I was pressured, forced, or otherwise made to do a thing, make a choice, take an action or not, I am assigning myself vulnerable to painful thoughts. Have a look...

 

A  few weeks ago, my beloved said, "I'm going to put the bike away; you go check the mail." I was already out the door on my way to check the mail when I heard him shout after me, "Are you going to check the mail?" On the way to checking the mail I began to feel pressure and here's what it looked like:

Oh my goodness, should I run back in and assure him I am checking the mail? Is he going to think I am mad at him because I took his request as a demand? Is he thinking I slammed the door on him? Should I run back in and tell him I am not mad at him and that I did not slam the door on him? Is this going to turn into an ordeal because I did not answer him that I would check the mail, before I came out to check it? Wait. He did not ask me a question. He told me to check the mail.

So by the time I arrived back inside - after checking the mail -  I put the mail on the counter and met him in the kitchen. Also, by this time, reality had settled in my mind and I had no more pressure. I saw his face and was relieved to find that this pressure existed nowhere but in my own head. It was a funny experiment as I was able to watch myself have these derbishes yet not hook into them. In relaying this story to a friend in discussing 'demands' versus 'requests' I shared how I checked the mail because, and this is the money shot, I couldn't think why not. Then I recalled to her the above Byron Katie "Reality of Pressure" video and we both laughed.

Did I feel pressure when he asked me a question after I was out the door? Yes. Did he cause me that pressure? No, of course not. He told me to check the mail. And I checked it.

The rest of it, is just the story. And This is freedom.

As for whether or not he "forced" me to make a choice, from my original story of our discussion; No., he did not I would have checked it or not anyway. [HE may have a different story of that!] Another side effect of no longer being victimized by your stories or beliefs is questioning agreements and assertions that even your Logical mind agrees with. Fascinating!